I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
