I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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