No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
