The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
