Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
