Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
