no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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