While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
