I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
