I wish i was in the wii world.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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