Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
