if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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