The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
