I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
