I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
