somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
