she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
