can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my shit smells like andre
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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