Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
