I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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