Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
