I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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