I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
