I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I need to stop coming to work sober
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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