I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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