dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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