She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize