Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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