i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
