It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
