I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
