i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
