we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
