based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
