you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
