you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
