Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize