Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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