So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
