she woke up with a sticky ear
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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