My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
