I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
