That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
