I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
