Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
