I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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