Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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