If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
