Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We got so high we made milksteak
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You've changed since you got that strap on
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
