I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Randomize
