The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Two words: blizzard sex
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
