Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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