like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i think i have herpe
just one?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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