I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
