she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize