can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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