Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
