The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
