So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just cropdusted the office
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize