My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
