so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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