She is in my trunk
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
