First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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