Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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