I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
