Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
