Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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